JackHammer

We’ve plenty to celebrate for this anniversary… JackHammer’s first. Because, along with the fact that we’ve been doing this for a year now, we also haven’t quit yet. You haven’t quit yet either, which is more cause for celebration. In fact, more of you are coming back than used to. Which makes us feel all warm and glowing inside. Some of you actually come back more than once in a day, effectively running up the score on our “Hit counter.” In fact, since the beginning, if I understand our stats correctly, we’ve nearly doubled our readership over the course of this year! From three to five in one year isn’t half bad now, is it!

Of course, for all of this, we wish to thank our gracious Lord for His mercy and blessings on us. We don’t wish to ignore you either, our faithful reader who keeps coming back and back and back and back… in fact, over 84,000 times this year! I’m sure either your finger is really sore or else your mouse is all worn to bits from clicking on our site so many times each day, but we thank you just the same.

Fine anniversaries call for fine celebrations. With that in mind, we’d like to invite you all to our Virtual Anniversary Celebration, which we’re hosting even now as you read this. Its sort of like that Cyber Communion service that Bobby always wants, only without the bread, and without the cup, and for that matter, without the Communion.

While enjoying our Virtual Feast, we hope you won’t mind if we pass around some Virtual Sentiments, after which we will exchange Virtual Gifts, followed by a Virtual Group Hug. When we finish all that, we’ll do some Virtual Laughing of the LOL variety, and maybe the ROTFL kind. Though we’d like to discourage the ROTFLMHO or the ROTFLMFHO kind, as we really must maintain more Virtual Dignity than that. But, we suppose it won’t hurt if somebody LOLOLOLOL’s. Just so they BRB when they are finished. And we’ll probably shed a Virtual Tear or two, too. Then, maybe we’ll share some Virtual Memories and some Virtual Desert. When we’re done, we’ll say our Virtual Good byes, get in our Virtual Cars with our Virtual Spouses, and go to our Virtual Houses. Hope you have a Virtual Good Time, and best of the Virtual Day to you!

While we do our Virtual Party, we would be amiss should we fail to give you, fair reader, your Virtual Gift. And so, without any more ceremony, here it is in all its Virtual Glory. After much thought and consideration, the esteemed bloggers of JackHammr.org have selected a gift which we hope will be a small token of our appreciation for you, our reading audience. Not a funny, not a laugh, not a rich declamation or an e-card… just something practical, something useful, something (we hope) beneficial.

Without further ado, we give you… A newly imposed limit on Thomas’ comments…

No Thomas Comment may exceed the length of the original post about which Thomas is commenting.

Should the Thomas Comment exceed the length of the post, readers will hereby skip over it and refuse to reply.

There you have it. Enjoy! And may we share many more Virtual Times!

We’ve used all our word at least once.  And just in time too.  Year one at JackHammer is now in the books.  Year two starts tomorrow.  We get to use all our word again.   We’ll space it out.  Make it last.  The parade starts at 1st Street.  Finishes at 365th.  Get there early, and throw a blanket on the sidewalk.  We’ll have one of those xeroxed programs for you.  Every 30th.

First, right after the honor guard, comes the Band.  Big Band.  No pianos.  Just horns tooting.

After them comes the Grand Marshall… You’ll recognize the tuft on the front of the baldness.  And the eyes that glow like a Thomas Kinkaid puzzle.  And the luminous teeth when he smiles.  He’s practiced his parade wave.  He’s got words on word.

After them comes the Mayor in his highly polished, open topped, two-door, twelve cylinder Eloquent.  With wide white walls and power steering.  He spent all night last night waxing Eloquent.   Once again, he’ll be doing his disappearing act.  For the best chance of seeing the elusive Doctor, stand at the corner of 1st and 2nd.  Or 31st and 32nd.  Or 61st and 62nd.  Otherwise, you’ll just have to hope and dream. He got himself a fancy degree for some word he used.

Then comes the guy with the little teeny car and the clown outfit.  He’s got his word all ready, and he’s not afraid to use it.  But he likes his squirt gun better.  ‘Course, he’ll probably get pied.  But at least he’ll pipe.

The first act of our new parade: Word.  A word full of meaning.  A meaning full of word.  You can enlarge the print with the handy print-enlarger tool at the right of your screen (if you have the Samsung SyncMaster 171s… if not, you’ll need a magnifier).  But don’t forget our word.

Fifteen minutes to go… New page on calendar… Must write new teaser…

Fourteen minutes.  What to write… Can’t think of anything…

Thirteen minutes.  Must say something… People will wonder.  Maybe out loud.

Twelve minutes.  Can’t wait for countdown.  Readers impatient.  Anvils ring hollow.

Eleven minutes.  What to do… What to say… JackHammer hooked to air hose.

Ten.  No time now.  Must think of something.  JackHammer poised.  Nothing to pound on.

Nine.  There should be a law… Wait a second… Law.

Eight.  Naaaaaah… They already call us legalists.  Can’t feed them.  JachHammer makes gravel.

Seven.

Six.  Maybe.  Law is not Graceless.  JackHammer is blunt.
Five.   Can grace be law?  Can law be grace?  JackHammer trigger finger itches.

Four.  Grace is not lawless.  Where are my gloves?  JackHammer searches for nice chunks of concrete.

Three.

Two.  Got it!  Got JackHammers!

One.  Law and Grace.  Grace and Law.  JackHammer ready.

Lift off.  JackHammer making little stones.  Breaking it down for you.  Law and Grace.  All month in August.

You’ll need gloves.  And a long sleeve shirt.

We like music. The sound of JackHammers pounding concrete is music to our ears. We like music that reverberates. We like reverb. We like to talk about music. So we will.

All month in July, JackHammers hammer away on music. Kent wrote the book on it. He has lots to say. A concerto was named after him. Jeff can play. Maybe he will. Dave can hit play on his CD player. But he doesn’t know how to iPod. He’ll find some shallow song to mock.

JackHammers got rhythm. All singing the same tune. But it might not be relaxing. Enjoy!

Having stirred the pot, stuff gets to floatin’ on top. And we can’t have no floaters.

We’ve got a little mixture for y’all this month. A little mish-mash. A little hodgepodge. A little combination. Mystery Stew. Conglomeration Consommé. Mix and Match Minestrone. A wholesome medley of thought, most of which is floating on the surface of the soup (but some of which must be scooped off the bottom of the bucket).

From time to time, we’ve got stuff to get off our collective chests, and this happens to be one of those times. So enjoy a month of potpourri (though I doubt we’ll smell sicky-sweet like one of those candles). JACKHAMMERS hammering to the beat of a different stockpot.

With 100 posts stuffed safely beneath our burgeoning belts, we’ve pulled off the hard-hats, set aside the protective eye-wear, taken off the sweaty leather gloves, and sat ourselves down under the shade tree for sandwiches and a tall glass of icy lemonade. It’s a great time to spin some yarns and tell a few tales!

We’ll get back to work in a bit… after we’ve polished off the lunch mom sent. Meanwhile, in commemoration of the JACKHAMMER 100th, we’re inviting you to a little contest. Pull up a seat under the shade tree, and let’s have a short-story/fable/parable contest. When the dust settles some day, we’ll declare us a winner.

So get those creative juices flowing, and give us your best shot. Don’t be shyin’ away now. You know you want to. I’ll put in my contribution(s) in a bit…

We is edjicated.  We is ‘cited about edjicatin’ y’all, too.

Join us this month for an education on education.  Kent will always find a way to get theological.  He likes Church-schools.  He has something to say about Homers, too.  And Homer-Onlyism.

Jeff’s getting smart.  Smarter all the time.  He’ll have his EdD just in time to impress y’all with a smattering of polysyllabic nomenclatures and ideological ruminations.  Take off your thinking caps now, class.  They’ll just get in the way anyhow.

Dave doesn’t want to think too much.  His brain is full.  Can he be excused?  Besides, he’s tired of people thinking too much about how much he is thinking.  Pull up a chair.  Grab an empty mug.  Have some coffee, on the grounds.  We isn’t a thinker.  Thinking is bad.  Education is bad.  Stupidity rocks.  Just ask Thelma Lou.

Dave’s getting practical on us, in very pragmatic, non-thinking, non-intellectual ways.  Just think it!  (Insert swoosh here)

Enjoy da class.  Oh, and there will be an assignment.

The Gospel is the power of God unto salvation, and without salvation, we’re sunk.  So we better not change it.  I remember a cheer from Covington High School cheer block when I went to high school games as a little boy, “No, no, never, never, uh-uh, uh.”  This month’s topic:  Is the Gospel Changing and What Is Changing It?  Of course, the Gospel can’t change.  The Gospel itself will always stay intact.  It is what it is.  But what we present might not be the Gospel, and even when we do present the Gospel, the medium could change the message.  The message can be distorted by the vehicle carrying it.  These are things we should consider.

The Gospel is our justification.  The Gospel is our sanctification.  The Gospel is our marriage.  The Gospel is our family.  The Gospel is our church.  We go nowhere without the Gospel.  I’m preaching through Isaiah on Sunday mornings and I see there that only one highway travels to that beautiful garden God has prepared for us.   It is the Gospel highway and you better make sure you’re on it.  You’re not just spinning your wheels without the Gospel; you don’t even have flat tires; you’re going in reverse.

And yet the Gospel is fiddled and diddled.  The parts of it are distorted, changing the whole.  And suddenly we have a false gospel, something that doesn’t save, a highway that heads off the cliff.  When preaching it isn’t as good as something we thought of, we’ve already perverted it.  When it falls under something we’ve concocted, it’s already changed in nature to those hearing it.

Two separate components are key to preserving the Gospel.  One, Who Jesus Is.  Two, What Belief Is.  We must believe in Jesus Christ, but we won’t if we alter what belief is and then twist Who Christ is.  You don’t want the wrong Jesus and you don’t want a placebo faith.

This month join us here in briefly considering whether the Gospel is changing and what is changing it.

Unlike Sharper Iron, we’ll let you.  They have other, more important issues to debate.  But we aren’t afraid.  We won’t hurt anybody either.  We’re harmless.  Really.  Like warm, fuzzy Teddy Bears.  We’re not mean.  Really, we aren’t.  Don’t let that Brandenburg guy kid you.  He might sound like he’s growling, but really he’s just purring like a cuddly wittle ole’ puddy tat.  He won’t hurt you.  Promise.  Can’t you hear the music in the background?  He’s come to the garden alone, and the dew shook off of the roses.

We’re King James Only.  And we’re liable to ruffle some King James Only feathers.  But we’ll let you hammer that out.  We aren’t afeerd of a little fight.  After all, we’re ‘Fatt’n Fundamentalists.’  And it shows.

This Month Only.  King James Only.  And all those who aren’t.  You might be surprised what we might say.  Then again, you might not be.  You might not agree with us.  We might not agree with you.  But what’s a little disagreement among friends?  Can’t we all just get along?

I’ll tell you what: we’ll get along with you, if you’ll get along with us.  Better yet, we’ll agree with you, if you’ll agree with us.

 

It was the best of questions, it was the worst of questions, it was the inquiry of wisdom, it was the inquiry of foolishness, it was the query of belief, it was the query of incredulity, it was the inquest of Light, it was the inquest of darkness, it was the interrogation of hope, it was the interrogation of despair, we had everything to question, we had nothing to question, were were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the inquisitions were so far like the present inquisitions, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.(1)

Questions, Questions everywhere.
Questions, questions in my hair.
Questions, questions on the rug.
Questions, questions, they do bug.

Questions about silly stuff,
We will ask them, that’s enough.
Questions are important too,
Questions we will ask of you.

Answers, they will later come.
When they do, you better…think about it.
Answers are important too,
That’s why we have Brandenburg (and Voegtlin too).

We’ve got questions, yes we do!  We’ve got questions, how ‘bout you?
– Some Famous Japanese Philosopher

We’ve been giving all the answers, now we want to ask some questions.  Deep questions, shallow questions, important questions, silly questions.  Questions with bold faces and no hair.  Questions with large jaws and plain faces.  Questions with round faces and moon-shaped eyes.  Questions that your Sunday School teachers wouldn’t ask.  Questions your Sunday School students would.  Questions that will make you smile.  Questions that will make us cringe.  Big questions, little questions, rhetorical questions, logical questions.  Questions that need a question mark.  Questions that need no question mark.

What’s the point?  Why are we asking questions all month?  Are we reverting back to our three year old selves?  Do we really think it is necessary to ask so many questions?  Why are we wasting everybody’s time?  And why is it that the Mallet Factor is the only one with hair on this blog?

This month on JACKHAMMERS: all the questions you never wanted answered.  We’ve got questions.  We hope somebody out there has answers.  Hammer Time wants to know who we’re supposed to be praying for.  Sledge wants to ask questions from the bottom of the pool.  Bring your snorkle… better yet; bring your scuba gear, because he’s going deep – Terrell Owens deep.  Let’s hope he doesn’t drop the ball too.  Mallet Factor has some questions about music.  Not what you’d think, though.  Just the usual sarcasm.  Scornful sarcasm, that is… with apologies to Tom Pryde.

Bring your notebooks and listen up.  And don’t be cheeky.

Judge of a man by his questions rather than by his answers.
—Voltaire

A child can ask a thousand questions that the wisest man cannot answer.
—J. Abbott

Any fool can ask a question.
—Mr. Anonymous the Courageous

For every fool who asks a question, there are ten fools anxious to answer.
— The Other Mr. Anonymous

We’ll prove it.

Footnotes:
(1) Adapted from Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities.  Though Dickens died shortly before the invention of JackHammers, we feel quite confident that he would have heartily endorsed this version of his work.